- Those stylish ankle boots which hit the market several years ago and don’t appear to be fading out of style any time soon. Just walk all over me with them.
- A nice car. I guess this one could go both ways, but since mine isn’t that nice…you know.
- Those mom-style jeans with the frayed bottoms. I guess you could say that any article of clothing that’s presently in vogue, but these are especially scary when executed well.
- Their own dog. Not a cat, a dog.
- A gym membership. Perhaps less scary to me, since I also own one, but the implications of going to the gym mean she is particularly fierce.
- Books. Because if you see someone reading a paper book in public, you’d rather wet your pants a little than approach them for a chat because they are clearly superior to you in every way, including (but not limited to) sophistication, intellect, class, coolness, literateness, and having enough brazen confidence that they’d go to a public place and read a paper book like a Greek Aphrodite with the brains of Tina Fey and the posture of Audrey Hepburn.
- A gentle heart and caring soul. Because that’s the most important piece of any human.
- A diamond ring. For obvious reasons.