Sounds like a) you were in the wrong church and b) you were in some damaging theology. One of my theology profs said that bad theology always hurts people, and the older I get, the more I see why.
Yes, Christians can hurt people, but if you’re looking for perfect people outside its walls, good luck! I know the sexy thing right now is to leave Christianity in a huff (á la Michael Gungor et al), but the thing I have repeatedly seen in these stories is a lack of depth in their understanding of who Jesus really is, as well as being in churches with a lot of terrible people in them. Just because there are a few (thousand) bad apples doesn’t mean all apples are evil.
Postmodernity seeks freedom from rules and restrictions, but I don’t see either of those things in Christ’s love. I forget which writer said that rules are in place the same way water places restraints on a fish. It can try to be ‘free’ on land for only so long…
I say this in love, but I genuinely hope you find secularism empty and come back to church/Jesus! We’re not all mean. :)